Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
