whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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