This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
