Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
