Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
