Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
