I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
