I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
