I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
