I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
