I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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