you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
