Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
