I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
