And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
