it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
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my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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