Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
