You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
