i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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