you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
They are going to name an STD after you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
