Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
