I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
