A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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