i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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