it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
