OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
