half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize