you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
