Sry I called you an 8
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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