if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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