I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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