do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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