did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
