I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
