Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
