1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
