dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
