my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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