She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
