Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
