the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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