i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
