Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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