Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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