just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
These tits shall not be calmed
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
