Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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