I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
