My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
