she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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