Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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