is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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