Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize