Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
