you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
