Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
