look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
