Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
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We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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