Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm getting married
To pizza
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
