I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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