Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
