So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
