I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
