"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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