I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
