I'm really into asian looking animals
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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