A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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