Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
