I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is Oprah even human
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
