apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
