just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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