im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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