She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
