i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize