It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
