I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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