I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
