just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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