I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
