Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my liver is dry heaving
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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