Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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