I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
