been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
