I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
